Eff Your Gripes

Not like it should come as a surprise that I disagree with an article on The Knot but this one (via MSN)* in particular just makes my blood boil with rage. Don't you think a couple planning their wedding has enough going on with trying to please themselves, their parents, the budget, etc.? Why would you even consider creating this ludicrous list to make us feel more guilty and stressed out than we probably already do??? You are a wedding publication and, therefore, I would think that you know something about all the different factors that go into planning one of these shindigs and understand that not everyone has the budget or the resources to follow every single one of your rules. Our weddings aren't all about us and therein lies the problem.

First, of all, I've been to weddings on a holiday and I was happy for the chance to party with my friends on New Year's Eve. If your vacation time is that important to you don't come to my wedding. Take the fam to the Cape, watch some fireworks and have a blast. I won't be offended. And if you would rather be "watching the game" then most likely I didn't invite you.

I have never once been to a wedding of a friend or loved one and thought that I had "given up my free day" to be there. When did a wedding become about putting on a show and making sure people were entertained? If you need help having a good time then you are problem a boring person and weren't invited anyway.

I HOPE that the people who have an issue like any of the items on that list just stay home. If you are going to complain, if all you came for was the free food and booze and not to, oh I don't know, celebrate a marriage of a loved one then please don't come. I would much rather be surrounded by the people who truly care about us and matter to us and who want to be there. Our guests are all adults (for the most part) and can make grown up decisions like whether or not to go to a wedding on a holiday, outdoors, with maybe some *gulp* bugs and a buffet dinner.

*and here. Beth - you are one of my heros. You are usually so practical and savvy. Why would you even consider putting your readers through the stress of worrying about this list???

Three months to go and this is what I've learned. It doesn't matter how good your intentions are or how much you want a wedding that is personal and that doesn't fit into (m)any stereotypes (bitchy bride, bad food, spending too much money, wearing ridiculous dresses that will never see the light of day again). People are going to bring their preconceived ideas about weddings with them. No matter how hard you try to show them that your wedding won't be _______ (cheesy, a show, extravagant, a waste of money, a waste of time) some people will believe what they are going to believe to the very end. I don't know what it is about weddings that causes some people to go into a tizzy (please read a more eloquent post here). My guess is it has more to do with their own views on marriage or maybe they've just had to wear too many crappy bridesmaid dresses.

The people that matter will know you and your intentions and come to the day (or into the planning process) with an open mind and a helping hand. You'll just have to smile, be polite and tell the others to eff off.

Rant #3738975934875198345

It is true that the wedding planning process brings out the worst and best in people. Here is my little story about some of the worst:

Last week, Captain's father called us and asked us why the reception musicians cost $1000. Reception musicians? There are no receptions musicians. "No, no, no" we explained to him. My mother wanted to have ceremony/cocktail hour musicians so we agreed to that but we don't want reception musicians. We really want to just do an iPod. There must be some mistake with the cost. I know one hour for two musicians should not cost $1000. So I email my mother and ask her what was going on. "The cocktail hour musicians do not cost $1000." That was her only reply. No further explanation on how much they are or anything. So, OK, we let it go and didn't think about it again. Then today I call my mom and ask her about the cocktail hour musicians and when they are expecting to play, etc. "Which musicians?", she asks. "Um, the only musicians that are supposed to be there, right?" "Oh, well didn't your father talk to you about that?" Um, no. Well, turns out that she went behind our backs and booked this reception band which we explicitly stated that we did not want and then lied to me about it when I originally asked in the email then expected Captain's family to pay half the cost without even asking them about it. She also refuses to talk to me about or tell me, oh I don't know, what kind of music they play, when they play it, etc. Just flat out won't speak to me about it. She just tells me that if we are asking people to travel and get hotels then we should be doing something nice for them. The truth is she is having some sort of wedding pissing contest with the neighbors and has turned my intimate, backyard, non-WIC-y wedding into a show.

Now don't get me wrong. We are beyond grateful that both sets of parents are contributing as much as they are and are doing so much for us. If my parents had called us and said "ya know, we really want to have this band and let's compromise and they'll play during dinner and maybe a little after and then you can play Bon Jovi to your hearts desire" then we probably would have been fine with it. But the fact that they never told us anything about it, lied to me when I did find out about it, are still keeping us in the dark and expecting his parents to pay half is ludicrous. It is deceitful and rude. And, of course, my relationship with my parents has never been smooth n' easy. I can't seem to talk to them about anything that isn't hunky dory happy without one of us or all of us screaming and hanging up the phone.

It has boiled my blood so much so that I'm ready to just tell our friends to meet us in NY and spend the money staying at the Ace and dance all night long.

And I had just reached my Zen moment too.

So True

I was having a conversation about wedding trends with a friend today. I was telling her about how my love for mason jars has dwindled since I have seen it all over crazy blog land. OK, so my love of mason jars is still going strong but sometimes I wish it hadn't become SO popular. I will still use the gazillion jars I inherited from A Desert Fete (THANK YOU!).

Then I realized that I have actually never been to a wedding where mason jars were used or where there was a photobooth and I have never heard of any of my friends or family members going to such a wedding so even if mason jars are not new to me they will be new to most of my guests.

Of course, Rock 'n Roll bride , who knows all, posted about this very same topic today! She made a very valid point - "Your wedding guests won’t have been scoring the internet looking for wedding ideas for the last year so will have no idea if something has ‘been done’ or not!" So who cares if that wedding blog you check every day is so over cupcakes, that doesn't mean you can't still have the biggest f*in cupcake tower you could ever imagine at your own wedding.

On a side note, as good a laugh as I got when I first discovered those "tacky wedding" sites, I have to say that if I am supposed to be all about promoting atypical and unique weddings that showcase a couple's individual style and personality then I can't knock a full out camo or S & M clown theme wedding, ya know? More power to them for not giving into the norm and for doing their own thing.

Wedding Envy

It's quite unlike me to write two serious posts in a row but there is just something I have to get off my chest.

A couple of weekends ago a girl I know became engaged. She and I are about as different as can be when it comes to money and how we choose to spend our money. I'm pretty sure there have been few times in her life that she has felt want for anything. I would classify my family as middle class. I was always well fed and well clothed and well educated but money was still something that was not just handed out. My own funds are not that substantial so I pick and choose what I spend my hard-earned cash on. Spending thousands upon thousands of dollars on one day (even though that one day IS very important and significant) does not quite make the list of necessities in my life.

BUT I have been feeling severe pangs of wedding envy recently. Though the newly engaged couple is, well, newly engaged the planning process is already in full swing. This weekend there are wedding dress search plans with mom (dresses BEGIN at $2,500). There is no doubt in my mind that the minimum budget for this little soiree will be close to 50K. Yes, I think that's ridiculous but part of me still wishes that I could actually make happen any and all of the ideas that pop up in my head with no worry of the pretty penny it will take to get there.

I'm just going to take comfort in idea that in the end love is all you need and all you need is love.

Anyone else been feeling the wedding envy blues?

UPDATE: Thank you all for your comments! I know that our wedding will be magical and unique and a blast. Sometimes I just wish it wasn't such a hassle to pull this beast off. But I know it will be worth it in the end. MWAH!

{photo via beautiful paper}