Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wedding Envy

It's quite unlike me to write two serious posts in a row but there is just something I have to get off my chest.

A couple of weekends ago a girl I know became engaged. She and I are about as different as can be when it comes to money and how we choose to spend our money. I'm pretty sure there have been few times in her life that she has felt want for anything. I would classify my family as middle class. I was always well fed and well clothed and well educated but money was still something that was not just handed out. My own funds are not that substantial so I pick and choose what I spend my hard-earned cash on. Spending thousands upon thousands of dollars on one day (even though that one day IS very important and significant) does not quite make the list of necessities in my life.

BUT I have been feeling severe pangs of wedding envy recently. Though the newly engaged couple is, well, newly engaged the planning process is already in full swing. This weekend there are wedding dress search plans with mom (dresses BEGIN at $2,500). There is no doubt in my mind that the minimum budget for this little soiree will be close to 50K. Yes, I think that's ridiculous but part of me still wishes that I could actually make happen any and all of the ideas that pop up in my head with no worry of the pretty penny it will take to get there.

I'm just going to take comfort in idea that in the end love is all you need and all you need is love.
Anyone else been feeling the wedding envy blues?

UPDATE: Thank you all for your comments! I know that our wedding will be magical and unique and a blast. Sometimes I just wish it wasn't such a hassle to pull this beast off. But I know it will be worth it in the end. MWAH!

{photo via beautiful paper}


Anonymous said...

yes...just this week in fact... but I keep reminding myself that buying a house and not being in debt is much more important than wearing some fancy Monique Lhuillier gown...although I'm sure it would be absolutely heavenly :)

Color Me Green said...

a friend of mine is also planning a bling wedding but amazingly i feel no envy. personally, i just feel disgust for weddings that cost that much. there are so many better ways that money could be spent (buying a home, charity, starting your own business, etc).

Mo said...

I can totally relate and get jealous of other people's funds too. I get over it quickly after I think about the fact that a 50k wedding could pay for my grad school tuition and then some.
The houses in La Jolla are gorgeous, I pick out my favorites every time I go up Torrey Pines Rd!

Mollie D said...

My budget is about 30% less than what my sister's was 11 years ago (not adjusted for inflation even). I keep telling myself that it's just money. My parent's have had to bail me out more than they did her when I was younger and I don't want them to go into debt for my wedding, they just aren't where they were financially 11 years ago.

But yes, it gets very hard to stay reasonable about it. I feel guilty having these bad, jealous thoughts. I need to remember what I DO have (I have a much bigger budget than some of the brides I've met online- and they are makin it work) and remember what is really important about the day. LOVE! Thank you for bringing up this touchy subject!

k_darling said...

I am one of 6 (!) people in my department (there are 30 people total) that is engaged. We are doing a simple, but elegant cocktail party wedding for 45 in New York. My dress is vintage, my ring is small but gorgeous and unique, and even though we kept to what could be considered a tiny budget, we got almost everything we wanted through the creative genius of our friends and family. Still, I see other girls' big sparkly rings and hear them talk about dress shops and fittings, and I can't help those pangs of jealousy from time to time.

In the end though, the one thing that makes me feel good is knowing how fun our party is going to be. How good the food and our playlist are (um, thank you iPod) and how much fun it is going to be to have this kickass night with our nearest and dearest.

Let yourself be jealous, it's natural. But just remember that 30 years down the road, you and your friends will still remember the unique details about your wedding that were important enough to include, and hers will be lovely, but much like so many others that it may not stand out in anyone else's recollection.

Tiffany said...

i did in the beginning of my planning, but i am so happy that we decided on a smaller wedding for about a million different reasons!

Anonymous said...

I usually just read and don't post comments at all... But I had to put in my two cents (you know I'm never particularly quiet). I had a lot of those pangs when I was planning my wedding - even though my parents helped out a lot more than I thought they would have (at the beginning, it was ALL DIY - PB&J sammiches and crepe paper, anyone?), I know someone whose wedding was being planned at the same time as mine (and I attended) that spent about SIX TIMES as much as we did. Her dress cost about ten times as much as mine. At some points I just didn't want to hear about how she couldn't decide between the roses with jewels inside or the custom-made overlays for the tables... Or the signature cocktails or the gazillion-dollar honeymoon to Disney World that included every upgrade on the planet.

Oops... Bitter much?

Sorry - the point is that everyone's wedding is unique and different, and I have not yet seen a wedding that I didn't look at and say "oh, holy cow, that's gorgeous." And I've been to a bunch - and seen pictures of scores more - over the last year or two. Every.thing. you've been talking about sounds lovely. You are super-creative and have a lot of artistic talent (and talented friends - don't forget to ask for help, too... I was horrible about that!) and I am 100% confident that your wedding will be a fabulous fete. I, for one, will be dying to see pictures.

That said, the green-eyed monster does erupt every once in a while... You're not a bad person for feeling that way - you're totally human. Only advice I can give is to focus on how much you'll love your day - every hand-crafted inch of it!!!

elizabeth said...

yes, I would love to have the freedom not to constantly be tallying up what we have spent and what we will spend, and to extravagantly and generously invite all and sundry to come and party with us at the wedding. but having to think about which details/ costs matter most does have a way of focusing the mind, and making sure I don't take any of it for granted. fortunately, my friends planning weddings right now are mostly on the indie/ DIY side of the spectrum (so indie that they don't even read wedding blogs! < gasp >)

Teresa said...

Of course! I lust after wedding things I will never have all the time. I think the fact that we write wedding blogs and are constantly inundated with all of the possibilities makes it even more challenging. Stay strong, girl. Your wedding will be fabulous even without all the extra "stuff."

@ said...

i totally know what you are feeling! i have felt the same exact way the last five months of my engagement, as i watch and listen to other girls get engaged, getting their bridal/bachelorette parties, plan their weddings, and all the other planning and fun gifts that come with it. i have to remind myself the same thing as you aaand remember that i am more than content with my own little life because i know what i get is definitely earned and not just handed out like halloween candy.

coley said...

i feel this way every day. one can't help but think that having money to get things done the way you want (or paying someone to do them for you) would make life easier. but i keep hoping that even if the day isn't perfect or doesn't look exactly like i invision, i will know the blood, sweat, and tears that went into this celebration of love and it will be worth it. it's not how you get to that day that matters, it's that you get to celebrate that day (with the person who loves you unconditionally) that counts.

Katy said...

I completely understand.

My mom is a teacher and my dad works in the steel industry. They have always made sure that I am well taken care of, but school and the wedding is completely on me.

Clay's step-brother just got engaged in February and will be having a lavish affair this coming October. Clay and I have already had to push our wedding date back once and are looking at twice because the funding for our wedding resides in the selling of our condo. It's hard watching that wedding come together when our's is doing anything but.

nina said...

I know I'm little late to this post, but it really speaks to me. My future SIL's wedding cost 55K. We're aiming for 5K. I actually don't have any jealousy at all. The thought of spending that much money on a wedding literally makes me feel ill. I would feel like I was pretending to be something I'm not. I've also never been of the view that a wedding is the parents' responsibility. I'm an adult. If I want to have a big party I should pay for it, and the reality is, there's many other things I would rather spend my money on. I could go on and on with my reasoning but I'll stop here!