Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Rant #3738975934875198345

It is true that the wedding planning process brings out the worst and best in people. Here is my little story about some of the worst:

Last week, Captain's father called us and asked us why the reception musicians cost $1000. Reception musicians? There are no receptions musicians. "No, no, no" we explained to him. My mother wanted to have ceremony/cocktail hour musicians so we agreed to that but we don't want reception musicians. We really want to just do an iPod. There must be some mistake with the cost. I know one hour for two musicians should not cost $1000. So I email my mother and ask her what was going on. "The cocktail hour musicians do not cost $1000." That was her only reply. No further explanation on how much they are or anything. So, OK, we let it go and didn't think about it again. Then today I call my mom and ask her about the cocktail hour musicians and when they are expecting to play, etc. "Which musicians?", she asks. "Um, the only musicians that are supposed to be there, right?" "Oh, well didn't your father talk to you about that?" Um, no. Well, turns out that she went behind our backs and booked this reception band which we explicitly stated that we did not want and then lied to me about it when I originally asked in the email then expected Captain's family to pay half the cost without even asking them about it. She also refuses to talk to me about or tell me, oh I don't know, what kind of music they play, when they play it, etc. Just flat out won't speak to me about it. She just tells me that if we are asking people to travel and get hotels then we should be doing something nice for them. The truth is she is having some sort of wedding pissing contest with the neighbors and has turned my intimate, backyard, non-WIC-y wedding into a show.

Now don't get me wrong. We are beyond grateful that both sets of parents are contributing as much as they are and are doing so much for us. If my parents had called us and said "ya know, we really want to have this band and let's compromise and they'll play during dinner and maybe a little after and then you can play Bon Jovi to your hearts desire" then we probably would have been fine with it. But the fact that they never told us anything about it, lied to me when I did find out about it, are still keeping us in the dark and expecting his parents to pay half is ludicrous. It is deceitful and rude. And, of course, my relationship with my parents has never been smooth n' easy. I can't seem to talk to them about anything that isn't hunky dory happy without one of us or all of us screaming and hanging up the phone.

It has boiled my blood so much so that I'm ready to just tell our friends to meet us in NY and spend the money staying at the Ace and dance all night long.

And I had just reached my Zen moment too.

20 comments:

Erica said...

That sucks! I'm so sorry and totally understand your desire to just say screw it and elope. If I were you I'd probably cancel the musicians with or without my parents' consent.

{un}Veiled Vows said...

that's a great plan...except...they won't even tell me what band it is! :)

Cupcake Wedding said...

What the? Who does that?

lovelyfascination said...

Oh jeez. Not that I have much experience in this area, but m-o-b-zillas are way scarier than bridezillas.

Jordan said...

How frustrating! You have my empathy.

Maybe you can eek out the name of the band by telling your parents that you're working on the event timeline and need to talk with them. If they think you're going along their band perhaps they'll cooperate a bit more?

At any rate, I hope you find your zen again!

Ms. Bunny said...

Enlist your fiance and sit your parents down to talk. A firm explanation of what they are doing is wrong, but let's find a way to compromise session is in order. It really sucks to hear that this is screwing with your zen, but the sooner you make it clear that they cannot continue to proceed without honesty, the better.

Like I said above, do not go it alone. Bring your fiance along so that he can speak up for his parents and support you.

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

That's insane and I'm sorry to hear that. Is rationality at all possible or some kinda compromise possible? You could always kick them out when they're there too.

yellowsonchek said...

o man, I can kinda understand cause we almost lost the band we wanted waiting for my dad to strongarm a recently broken up band HE wanted into playing...unsuccessfully. and who would want a band playing who had to be forced into it?! yikes. my sugg. is to just flat out tell you mom she is being unreasonable, it isn't her decision to make and that you will cancel the whole thing (got dance the night away with the reasonables) unless she gives you the info from the band. Then you can fix it with them...good luck, stay strong.

A.Mountain.Bride said...

you are effing kidding.

that's stressful...and kinda weird. and yea...eloping sounds more and more exciting to us too.

Ashley said...

OMG! I'm so sorry! Why do parents turn in to even CRAZIER people when they become "Parents of the Bride/Groom"? My mother & your mother sound like kindred spirits!

Let's all elope!

lily said...

That's horrible! You totally have a right to be upset, this isn't her wedding.

The Ace sounds amazing. Looking back, don't you wish we had listened to everyone who said we should just elope when this whole thing began?

Sealicious said...

I am so sorry you have to deal with this crap!!

Please don't hesitate to rant as much as you need to, that is just awful!

Meghan said...

Whoa Nelly. Wow. That is pretty out of hand. You may need to grab your zen and not let it out of your sight.

Teresa said...

Ohhhhhh. The Ace would be so worth it.

Meg said...

WHEN are you getting married again? It's too early for zen... you'll get it.

Bitches.

Sara said...

My mom gifted our outdoor wedding with a string quartet from a local college she "won" in a public TV fundraiser auction. Lovely classical music, well played, yet so awkwardly impossible for dancing. Yay Momzillas FTW!!!

kc said...

Oh man that sucks. A friend of mine's parent's almost gifted them with an Elvis impersonator for their reception (no joke!). They had to do the sit down and talk bit uncomfortableness. It doesn't make you ungrateful to want a wedding that represents you and the Captain, regardless of who is paying for it. I always get upset over "gifts" that come with strings attached. Hang in there!

Amberdawn said...

Sorry to hear your parents are...overly involved. I'm lucky my mom is so "whatever." I mean, I'm paying for it all myself, but she just smiles and nods when I tell her what I'm planning, haha.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain! My not-at-all-wealthy parents dropped $25,000 on a wedding that was essentially the "dream wedding" my mom did NOT have in 1962. It was 180 degrees from what I wanted - and if I could do it all over again, I'd say "no thank you" to ANY financial help, cut the strings, plan it and pay for it ourselves. Think about what an AWESOME party you could throw for $10,000??? And spare yourself and your friends all the nonsense???

Kirsty said...

Oh wow. Good luck dealing with it.

When things start to get too stressful, do not forget to breathe!