Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Eff Your Gripes

Not like it should come as a surprise that I disagree with an article on The Knot but this one (via MSN)* in particular just makes my blood boil with rage. Don't you think a couple planning their wedding has enough going on with trying to please themselves, their parents, the budget, etc.? Why would you even consider creating this ludicrous list to make us feel more guilty and stressed out than we probably already do??? You are a wedding publication and, therefore, I would think that you know something about all the different factors that go into planning one of these shindigs and understand that not everyone has the budget or the resources to follow every single one of your rules. Our weddings aren't all about us and therein lies the problem.

First, of all, I've been to weddings on a holiday and I was happy for the chance to party with my friends on New Year's Eve. If your vacation time is that important to you don't come to my wedding. Take the fam to the Cape, watch some fireworks and have a blast. I won't be offended. And if you would rather be "watching the game" then most likely I didn't invite you.

I have never once been to a wedding of a friend or loved one and thought that I had "given up my free day" to be there. When did a wedding become about putting on a show and making sure people were entertained? If you need help having a good time then you are problem a boring person and weren't invited anyway.

I HOPE that the people who have an issue like any of the items on that list just stay home. If you are going to complain, if all you came for was the free food and booze and not to, oh I don't know, celebrate a marriage of a loved one then please don't come. I would much rather be surrounded by the people who truly care about us and matter to us and who want to be there. Our guests are all adults (for the most part) and can make grown up decisions like whether or not to go to a wedding on a holiday, outdoors, with maybe some *gulp* bugs and a buffet dinner.

*and here. Beth - you are one of my heros. You are usually so practical and savvy. Why would you even consider putting your readers through the stress of worrying about this list???

10 comments:

Ms. Bunny said...

Um wow, the writer sounds like she has no clue. The entire article completely misses the boat — guess all she cares about is having fun, and not about the fact that a marriage is being created. Glad I'm not a friend or family member of hers.

We are contemplating having our wedding on a holiday weekend. If guests would rather go on vacay then be with us, then I don't want them at our wedding anyways. I want my wedding to be filled with people who care about our union, not what is the most fun thing to do.

Michele said...

Funny how most of these "gripes" can be solved by spending MORE money! I wonder what The Knot stands to gain by perpetrating the idea that weddings need to be big, expensive, stress-filled, and marked by food that is "as good as something we'd have at a restaurant," free-flowing booze and endless entertainment.

Hmmmm.....

Fuck The Knot. Seriously.

Amberdawn said...

I totally agree on the "vacations" thing. If people have things they'd rather be doing, that's less catering for me to worry about. I mean, to a degree: I'm not planning my wedding on a day that's going to make it difficult for our immediate families to attend. But Memorial Day? Really? Someone else's cookout sounds more fun than my wedding reception? Then go right ahead.

Oh the other hand, reading over the complete list, if a bride broke every one of those rules, that would not be cool either. It is about balance.

southern-electric said...

that list is one of the tackiest things i have ever read.

anna and the ring said...

Seriously, I could not agree more. Yes, you may not enjoy a long speech or agree with my culinary choices but you must understand we are not all the same people.

I don't go to weddings of people I do not care about. What is the point. I go to weddings to feel the love and have fun. If you cannot do this, don't go to weddings!

Gah!!!

Alissa said...

I usually agree with everything that you write, but I don't actually have much of a problem with many of the things on this list. It's not like the usual Knot warnings about how your wedding will be a failure without uplighting; it's about being a good host. Our weddings are, obviously, first and foremost about getting married and sharing that very important moment with the people you care about most. But they are also a giant party, maybe the largest we will ever throw. Being a good host and thinking about your guests' comfort and enjoyment isn't buying into the lies of the Wedding Industrial Complex, it's just what you should do. Some of the details about restaurant-quality meals and whatnot are bullshit, but the gist of it is pretty spot-on. The points about ensuring your guests' basic needs are met and spending on what makes a good party (food, booze if you're having it, music, etc.) and not the details that are ultimately trivial (decor) are particularly important. Of course, probably no one who's going to be an asshole about it is invited anyway, but don't we owe it to the people who are coming to have a wonderful party, whatever shape it may take?

{un}Veiled Vows said...

I'm totally not saying don't throw a wild, crazy good time party. I mean if we WEREN'T planning on throwing a bad ass party we would just go to the court house, no? I just think that the people who matter will have a blast whether you spend $2000 or $200,000 or if you have an iPod or a funk band or if you get married on the 4th of July or on a random Tuesday.

SMK said...

wow. I am speechless and a bit breathless from all the rage I'm feeling. A title labeled "You're Boring Us" ?! I don't understand how this cannot be a satirical piece, no one would really write these things. right? right?

This article can go shove itself...along with the emails I get from the Knot "Reception Must Haves". No, no Knot, there are no hard and true "must haves" other than the two people saying "I do" and someone to say "You are".

Kerry said...

Alissa - Even if you agree with the general advice given in this article, do you feel that the author's tone is appropriate? I do not - it sounds much less like helpful advice and more like snark and spite to me.

Reading words such as "stinks," "sucks," "boring," "terrible," and "pissed" with context anywhere near a loving event like a wedding (and the thought that some people might associate these words with my upcoming wedding) makes me feel queasy.

theflashdance said...

we were really concerned about people feeling obligated to come to our wedding so we went ahead and had it on a monday. amazing decision! everything was cheaper, everyone who was there (with maybe one exception) was there for all of the right reasons.